Weird fan fiction that reads Fifty Shades of Gray like Tolstoy
Jennifer Aniston may be in love with Justin Theroux in real life, but in this story she has had affairs with many female Hollywood stars, including Demi Moore and Madonna. The story is titled Jennifer Aniston visits The View:
The ad machine had been making shit out of it alive for at least a month: Jennifer Aniston – THE Jennifer Aniston – a special guest on THE VIEW.
When the last day arrived, production assistants rushed around the studio before five in the morning, making sure everything was ready for her: the usual bottled water, snacks, and idiosyncratic sundries, but also weird requests, like lavender scented mineral oil, expensive towels made from organic natural fibers heated in a towel warmer to precisely 98.6 degrees and a towering python head carved from wax.
A production assistant said with apparent authority that Jennifer needed the snakehead to display on the show because she was passionate about animals. More preparations were made than to visit royalty.
In this love story, Jennifer Aniston has an affair with her best friend Courtney Cox
In fact, Jennifer Aniston was America’s answer to visiting royalty, a true Hollywood star deigning to make a television appearance during the day. Barbara Walters would have been willing to sell her left tit to pull this off; luckily, she didn’t have to.
The staff in the make-up room were surprised when Jennifer appeared that morning at 5 a.m., having already changed into a bathrobe. She looked a lot smaller in real life and had a girl next door quality that belied her stardom. She had to show up to get noticed.
“Hi, I’m Jen,” she said, reaching out to the head makeup artist.
“Of course you are,” stammered the frightened woman. “H-how are you, I’m so pissed off about bending over to you-I mean, nice to meet you I’m sure.” See how I’m doing? ‘ she added, confused. “I’m Vera, by the way.
“Hi, Vera. And relax; I get this all the time from fans. I am flattered. Ready to work your magic? ‘
‘Oh, no magic required. You are so beautiful Mrs. Aniston, this job will be the easiest I have ever done.
“Now I’m really flattered. Mainly because this morning I need all the help I can get. Courtney and I practically shut down Il Sole last night trying to wait for the paparazzi to f ** king, but the motherfuckers ambushed us anyway.
Even though in her business she had already heard everything, Vera tried not to react. It was so jarring: the voice and face were Jennifer Aniston from Friends, but the slang was Al Pacino in Scarface.
Shocked by Jennifer’s plain language, Vera motioned for her to sit down and got to work. Jen’s skin was almost perfect, her hair was already washed and pulled up in a headband; Vera could clearly see the natural wave. She started with the foundation, matching the tone and shade, and seeking approval from Jen.
“Have you ever eaten a woman’s pussy in the backseat of a Hummer?” Jen asked for nothing. “I can’t tell like I did, Mrs. Aniston. “
‘Jen. Here’s a tip: get a room. Courtney and I thought we ditched those paparazzi last night, so she parks the Hummer on the top deck of the NBC parking lot – we have lifetime privileges there, and everyone usually leaves us alone to do our thing. Wouldn’t you know, barely we take our pants off when this little asshole arrives in a chartered helicopter who clicks with his Nikon and a telephoto lens. I told Courtney we should have taken a suite in a quiet location like Chateau Marmont. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my naked **** splashing tabloids like Britney Spears’.
Before Vera could respond, Joy Behar’s voice rang out. “Jen, my dear! How’s my favorite friend from Friends? ‘ Joy rushed over to Jen and the two women kissed. Joy’s hair was wrapped tightly under a silk turban; her face before the makeup looked drawn and haggard, her eyes and mouth a little smaller. Vera thought she watched Joy’s fingertips slip under Jen’s dress and explore her chest, but she wasn’t sure. Joy bawled, “I’ve heard you can always lick yourself and keep ticking, as the saying goes.”
“I proved it again last night,” Jen said, then burst out laughing.
“You little rascal, you!” Who was the lucky girl? No, don’t tell me, let me guess. Madonna?’
“I didn’t even know she was in town. Good guess, though: she and I almost burned out after the MTV Movie Awards last season.
“We started calling her the bionic woman after all of the surgery. Still wrong. I haven’t been with Demi since Bruce Willis’ days when we shared a threesome in Idaho, in bed with half of his damn collection of witness dolls. You should hear her when she cums. She has this delicate face, but what comes out of her mouth sounds like a moose cow in rutting season.
Joy howled with laughter. ‘You tell me? She almost got us both thrown out of the bathroom at last year’s Donna Karan.
‘You too? It looks fantastic. ‘
“You should have joined us. “
“Next time, call me. “